It’s been two damn years since I’ve even touched this blog. I tried it as a hobby, I was getting a lot of anxiety and needed something to distract me from my life. I soon discovered that it was not as much fun as I wanted it to be and I left. Well here I am, one more time, to tell you all a little “love story”.
It was summer 2011. I walked into my best friends house, a little tipsy and goofy, to the sights of a cute boy. I soon found out he was my friends little sister’s boyfriend, so of course I walked away. What’s a girl to do?
Soon after, he messaged me on Facebook. The friendly messages about finding me a boyfriend (I have always been perpetually single, for the record) turned into flirty messages. I knew it was wrong, but I had never gotten this type of attention before from a man. I was 19 years old with nothing holding me back.
Around November, I decided I could not do this anymore. I was going to cut things off. Nothing happened beyond facebook messages, but I felt guilty and stupid. I went to his place to lay my heart on the line, to tell him that yes I liked him but no I could not do this anymore. Not now. Not ever. One thing led to another… and I was screwed for life.
He dumped his girlfriend a few months later and we became “official”. I distanced myself from my best friend (I mean, I did take her sister’s boyfriend..) and focused on my new relationship. Fast forward two years later. We had two years of bumps and bruises, love and smiles. We fought, broke up, made up, loved. It was like a real life The Notebook. I graduated college, took him to my senior formal and graduation, prepared for post-grad life with him. Winter 2014, I learn from one of my best friends from college that he cheated on me. He cheated on me?! Is this real life? Turns out, he made out and had a sexting relationship with one of my friend’s roommates from college. All my friends knew for months, yet only one had the balls to tell me. I felt like I lost everything. My boyfriend, my best friends, my integrity, my happiness. I swore that we were done.
January, 2015. I caved. He said he was going to therapy and would be more honest and open with me. He’d share his facebook with me and his cellphone and we’d be stronger than ever. I was in love with the guy- 3 years with him and I could not imagine a day without him. I had been so lonely without him in my life, I jumped right back in. I fell even harder. I had my doubts the whole time, and we fought pretty regularly, but I didn’t care. He changed for me. And he really did change. He was less moody, more chatty, came to visit me more (he lived about 45 minutes from me), spent more time with my family. We continued to have our ups and downs, but every day got better and better. I was madly in love with this man.
August 22, 2016. I just got back from vacation with him to Rhode Island and Mystic, CT. It was magical. We laughed, we played, we enjoyed each other’s company 100%. He made me smile and spoiled me like the princess I know I am. I was on cloud 9. My aunt had sent me a message on facebook, and it was then that I noticed a couple of unopened messages from strangers sitting on the opposite side of my messenger app. You know the type, guy from Africa claiming to make you his queen, another in a completely different language. I opened the third and there it was: photographs of my boyfriend naked in bed with another woman. She had sent the first message in May, and the photographs in July, but I never got a notification so I never saw them. I read all the messages she sent me, about how they met in 2013 in Disney (he did the college program and so did she) and she was his long distance girlfriend while I was the “backstabbing whore” (Mind you- I was dating him first). The more we got talking, the more I realized that her relationship with him was identical to mine. He said the same words to her, made the same false promises. Promised to move across country to be with her and marry her (yes, he promised me the same, minus moving across country since we already lived near each other).
When I confronted him, he did not deny a thing. “It was a mistake I made three years ago…” Bullshit. He continued the relationship with her so recently that he had just had sex with her a month ago. A MONTH AGO! While I was under the impression that he was “at work”. I couldn’t believe it. Oh, and did I mentioned that she is claiming to be pregnant with his child? I wanted to vomit.
Obviously I ended things. I’m not going to be cheated on three times by the same guy, twice is plenty. I thought he changed. If I have the timeline correctly, he dated all three of us at the same time. Real great guy, huh?
I’m sure there are tons of people out there with love stories like this. Once a cheater, always a cheater. I was warned by many people. I cheated with him, so why did I believe he wouldn’t cheat on me? 4 years of my life are gone, and I cannot stop crying. I can’t eat, I can’t sleep, I don’t want to leave my house. But I still want to talk to him. I miss him. Or who I thought he was. I believed truly that he was my soulmate. I thought we were meant to be. The worst part now is that I am embarrassed to be the stupid girl who believed him when he said he wouldn’t do it again. All my friends were right, and I was blind. I was stupid. I hate being stupid. I hate looking like a fool. I always have my act together, yet I was played.
I’m writing this blog in part to get my emotions out. I need to share this story to help me cope. I also need to hear from my readers. What advice do you have to get through this? Who has been through this before and made it out okay? I truly don’t see myself with anyone else. No one has ever before shown interest in me, and let’s be honest, I’m not the prettiest girl in the world. I’m afraid that no one will ever love me again. How do you move on from this? How do I become the fun loving, spunky girl I was before? How could the most honest person in the world be betrayed like this? I need help, I need advice, I need words of encouragement. I need a friend.
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